Political Differences Are Ruining My Marriage

Dear Adriana,

My husband and I have been in a relationship for 7 years, but are just about to have our first anniversary (June 28th). We had similar opinions about political issues, the universe and were generally on the same page.

Over the last year he has flipped a 180 on his beliefs, now strongly opposing certain issues we were in support of (specifically women’s reproductive rights and inequality, immigration, and healthcare). I dont mind us having differing views, but lately we fall into the following pattern:

  1. I say something non-confrontational, usually something I learned about the democratic process or whatever.
  2. He immediately becomes angry, and loudly speaks against those issues mentioned above (whether or not they have anything to do with the topic I mentioned). This usually consists of him raising his voice, interrupting and talking over me, and creating personal attacks and insults towards me.
  3. I remind him that we can disagree and be passionate about these things, but that doesnt mean he has to be disrespectful.
  4. He gets more mad, more loud, and more insulting.
  5. I tell him I will not participate in the conversation if he can’t show me the same respect I show him.
  6. He disregards it and keeps talking.

And this cycle repeats itself almost daily. What do I do? Any ideas?

Dear Anonymous,

Honestly my first thought is there must be something else going on?

(Sorry but…this guy also sounds like a dick)

People don’t usually drastically change this negatively unless something else is happening that he isn’t telling you.

It almost seems like he is taking this anger out on you and trying to drive that wedge…Especially since you say it’s ok to disagree, and he keeps going.

Start by digging that out of him because I really feel there’s something to that.

My Advice

Then I would try one of two things.

  1. Don’t talk about politics. At all.

If you know he can’t discuss these topics like an adult anymore, then just don’t even bring it up and keep believing what you believe.

Let him know that the home is no longer a place to talk politics because he’s clearly a child and simply avoid it at all cost. See if that changes anything.

     2. Ask yourself if your morals align anymore?

You may be completely different, but the way I feel about it is…I can handle not agreeing on certain topics. I can handle not agreeing on anything.

But if morals are the underlying issue and those don’t align anymore, then you have a real issue. And that would need to get worked out or talked out with a mediator to decide if you should continue this relationship.

My hope is that he is just extremely passionate about these issues and learns to discuss them in a healthy way with you and that he isn’t raising his voice to you in other instances.

Because politics and opinions aside, it’s the disrespect, personal attacks and the whole yelling thing that needs to be shut down.

Don’t allow anyone to disrespect you.

If anyone has any advice for Anonymous please leave it in the comments!