Should You Snitch On Your BFF For Cheating On Their Partner?

Dear Adriana, 

I have a really good friend of 15+ years. I recently found out she’s been having an affair for 8-10 months. Do I do the right thing and out her, or follow girl code?

Dear Anonymous,

Holy moly. This is really tough. Especially if you’re friends with her significant other too…

Lets work through some scenarios. 


Let’s say you spill the beans. 

One main question would be, are you prepared to lose this good friend for forever? It could be the right thing to do. Keeping this other person from getting hurt. No-one deserves to be cheated on and everyone know about it but them.

Just be fully prepared for her to never speak to you again. 

What if you didn’t say anything, ever?

This is what Girl Code would tell you to do. Personally, if it were my best friend, I couldn’t tell on her.

I just don’t feel like just because she doing something wrong as a girlfriend or a wife that that necessarily means she’s a bad friend or a bad person.

However, there’s no guarantee that she will ever end this affair and you will keep feeling guilty for not saying anything to this person who is being hurt.

My vote, try this first.

Try and stay out of it first. You can let her know it bothers you tremendously being dishonest to her partner (who I am guessing is your friend too). Encourage her to end the affair or end her relationship. 

While doing this, try giving her an extra dose of compassion and understanding. Speak with her and try and help her find a solution.

The last thing you want to make your friend feel from you is judgment.

Give her some time and allow her to do the right thing and hopefully, eventually she will.

It does say something that you’ve had this friend for 15+ years. I’d hate for you both to lose that friendship over her laps of good judgment  and your quick instinct to clear your conscience.

Poor guy. Good luck to you both!!

Any additional advice is always welcome in the comments for Anonymous!

If you need advice and would like to submit a question anonymously, you can reach me here.